Sunday, September 23, 2012

Family Growth & Discipleship Week 3 – Communication

Memory Verse: Jeremiah 33:3 ’Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’

God says, “you talk to Me and I’ll talk back …”

Communication is a necessity in every relationship.

Communication is a necessity, not a luxury

Communication means that the message that was sent is the same message which is received.

Meanings are not in words, meanings are in people … words are very imprecise vehicles of communication.

To know the meaning of the word used, you need to know the person who used it.

We are all from different worlds, speaking different languages.

If a spouse or family member says to you, “That’s not what I meant!” – Just believe them … why? Because, that’s not what they meant!

Ecclesiastes 7
21  Also do not take to heart everything people say, Lest you hear your servant cursing you.
22  For many times, also, your own heart has known That even you have cursed others.

There is a difference between Conflict avoidance & Conflict management

Proverbs 15:1  A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
You are communicating even when you are not speaking and often, your silence is screaming louder than you think … and it might not always be saying what you are thinking … but you are responsible for it anyway!

Here are 7 Tips to Facilitate Healthy Communication
1.   Seek to understand before you seek to be understood
a.   Hear before being heard
b.   Ask for clarification
c.   Swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger
James 1:19 Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger

2.   Don’t interrupt
a.   Rude roadblocks to communication
b.   Causes diversions
c.   Adds additional problems

Note on Problem Solving: Solve one problem at a time!

3.   Agree with the truth
a.   Disagreement makes you look like you are not listening
b.   Or don’t care or just being obstinate or mean
c.   Parrot the truth – it will evoke clarification/redirection
4.   Role Play
a.   Switch roles – argue the other side
b.   Give one good point for every one bad point
5.   Sit down and take time to communicate
a.   Set up a non distracting environment
b.   Choose a non-threatening time – not immediately after a problem … that’s often read as fussing
c.   2 minute intervals – take turns
                                       i.    1 speaks
                                     ii.    1 listens and does not interrupt or make gestures
6.   Establish principles before problems
a.   Issue oriented communication can evoke emotional barriers
b.   You cannot win an emotional argument
7.   Get on it, get off it and get over it
a.   While you are getting, get help if you need it!