Gtcotr/ws062310
In December of last year we declared that 2010 would be a year in which we consistently worked on our Physical Health, Personal Finances, and the Relationships God has given us. Since January we have worked the plan God gave us to faithfully keep these goals before the eyes and in the minds of our congregation.
• We began the year by re-ordering our Sunday morning and Wednesday evening services to include two approximate 5 minute segments which specifically target these three areas of life, giving scriptures and exhorting on the daily practice of Godly principles.
• Each month the topic for our small group discussions have centered on health, wealth or relationships. During these times of fellowship and word, people are both ministering to others while receiving ministry themselves through the body edifying itself in love.
• I have written, published and made available, weekly family Bible study materials which many of you have taken advantage of. These character studies are designed to focus the family on these three major arenas of life, giving concrete biblical examples which will grow the individual and the family.
These, along with the many other planned, purpose-filled events and activities are having an impact on your life.
For those of you who have been out of high school for any period of time, let’s say ten years or more, and you run into someone you haven’t seen since high school, the change can be shocking. Over time people change … that’s a fact! However, it is less evident to the person who sees a person on a daily basis than it is to the person who goes a long period of time between visits. Nonetheless, everyone changes daily.
Little by little, here a little and there a little, we are changing. The good news is that to a great extent, we can control what we will eventually become. Barring some unexpected occurrence or unavoidable tragedy, we can determine if we will end up in life basically healthy, wealthy and happy with our relationships … or not! However, like anything else worth having, in order to be successful it will take time, effort and resources to make it happen.
Tonight we are going to relationships, specifically family relationships, more specifically child raising. Now, I know that many of you who are here, as well as those listening to this broadcast, are beyond the age and/or stage of raising young children. However, the principles covered tonight will most assuredly apply to your life and relationships on many levels. For example, I imagine that some of you have husbands who are still in need of some training. At any rate, let’s continue …
Proverbs 22:15 ¶ Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.
Let’s just face it … some behavior simply needs to change.
When I use the term, “behavior”, I am referring to attitude, actions, words, or lack thereof, gestures, and/or other characteristics exhibited in an individual’s nature and conduct.
Often when we encounter repetitive behavior which needs to be changed, we can get more focused on how that behavior irritates us, than with the behavior itself. In other words, we often respond to our anger instead of the behavior. And an angry response is seldom read as anything more than anger and it almost never changes anything for the better.
The first thing we must do is learn to identify the behavior we want to change and then endeavor to stay focused on that behavior.
Once we have identified the behavior we want to change, it is imperative that we take the time necessary to consider what we can do to effectively change that behavior.
Then it is vitally important to consistently employ the remedy and continually monitor the process. I know this sounds like work and it is. Child raising or husband training or motivating employees to accomplish their goals is work.
We have to find out what works and work it.
If what you are doing is not working, you need to change what you are doing.
Proverbs 22:15 ¶ Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.
Rod:
• A staff used to measure and guide
• A scepter or mark of authority
The Rod of Correction in this case speaks to the right measure of guidance given by an authority figure to discipline and affect the necessary change in behavior.
Punishment should not be the focused goal of any correction or discipline.
Even our penal system is founded on two great needs:
1. The further protection of other members of the community.
2. The rehabilitation (change) of the offender.
The first tenet is of the most importance and the system must be willing to take whatever measures to secure further protection. However, when these two tenets are satisfied, the system is satisfied and offender is set free.
It should be the same with any measure of correction or discipline. It should always be aimed first at curbing the behavior so as not to allow things to become worse, then at altering the behavior so re-offense will not advertently occur.
What does all of this mean in plain English?
Simply put: If what you are doing is not working – you need to try something else.
Imagine with me a mother with an active young 3 year old boy named Johnny. She is cooking the evening meal when little Johnny comes into the kitchen and ask for a piece of cake which she has just baked for the after dinner desert. Mom tells Johnny no in a nice way since it is so close to dinner and it might ruin his appetite.
Johnny begins to beg before mom tells him to be quiet and go on into the other room and play and don’t ask again. Well, you know active little Johnny just can’t get his youthful focus off of the cake and circles around to pull on mommy’s apron and begin begging again. Mommy is of course mentally busy with her duties and lets it go on for a minute before telling Johnny to be quiet, go play and don’t ask again or he would get a spanking.
That seems to work for a moment but soon little Johnny is back begging and crying this time. Mommy tells him with a much louder voice, “now if you don’t quit and go into the other room I am going to spank you.” She counts to two before he slides off the stool, slaps her apron, and goes into the other room.
But, you guessed it. Just when the critical moment comes of adding the spaghetti to the boiling water, Johnny is back … he has thought of a new approach and decides to try one more time … after all, he is hungry and the cake smells so good. However, he picked the wrong time to return. As the spaghetti goes into the hot water some splashes out and burns the top of mommy’s hand. She backs up and almost steps on little Johnny who says in a whiney voice, “mommy I want …”.
Before he can get the rest of his sentence out, loving, gentle, sweet, caring mommy, grabs his arm, jerks him up halfway off his feet, begins saying, “I’ve told you and told you and told you to be quiet, get out of here and don’t come into the kitchen again asking for cake …”, and she begins to spank little Johnny as he runs in circles around her legs, trying to defend himself until he can get away.
Ok, so what have we, or rather, what has little Johnny learned from this experience? What have we taught him?
Well, mom did not teach Johnny that it was wrong to disobey nor did she teach him the benefits of waiting on a nutritious meal before filling your stomach with sweets. Neither did she teach little Johnny anything about cooking spaghetti or the dangers of boiling water, the need to have dinner ready for the family on time, or that she cared about his stomach pain … what mom did teach Johnny was:
“Don’t make mommy mad!”
He learned that it is not wrong to do wrong. And, you don’t get punished for disobeying or doing wrong … you get punished for making people mad … for going too far.
And little Johnny grows up processing life with that standard. He is one of the ones who sets his cruise control on 73 or 74 and then complains when he gets a ticket for going over the speed limit. He just figures he is within the acceptable margin of doing wrong and it must have been that the policeman was just having a bad day. Johnny will always be prone to feel unjustly treated when he gets punished for doing wrong, because it is not wrong to do wrong, it is just wrong to go too far or make someone too mad and Johnny has become a master at knowing when to stop before he gets in trouble …
… All of this because the spaghetti was seen as temporarily more important than guidance and discipline from an authority figure at a critical moment in life. (One time is never the problem, but it is seldom one time.)
Relationship takes time. And if we want our relationships to reach their potential we must give them the time, effort and resources they deserve. Believe me; it will pay huge dividends for a lifetime to come.
Take time for relationships and remember: If what you are doing is not working … you may need to change what you are doing. And, if you are not focused on what needs to change, you are probably just complaining.
