Gtcotr/ws031010
Key Scripture: James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
When God came in the cool of the evening into the Garden of Eden as recorded in Genesis 3, He came to talk with Adam and Eve. From that time forth God has been doing His part to communicate with mankind. Why, because He wants to build and maintain healthy and happy relationships.
Communication is the basis for any relationship.
Imagine if you worked for a company or business who hired a person who was from a different country to be your boss. Imagine that they did not speak your language, yet you wanted to, and needed to succeed in your job. What would you do?
Do you you think you would try fairly hard to communicate with them? I can imagine that you would even attempt to learn a little of their language and culture so you could better understand what they were saying. Believe me, you would only be hurting yourself and your chances of success if you did not.
It would not be enough to just sit around and complain about not understanding what your new boss was saying or what they meant when they gestured with their hands. You could work as hard as you could, but unless you did what the boss wanted and expected, you would always be in trouble.
This sounds silly and yet it happens every day, not only in the work place but also in schools, friendships, and in marriages. Even when people think they are communicating, they often are not and they don’t realize it is because that they aren’t speaking the same language.
Just because you were born in the same town, went to the same school, work at the same job or live in the same house, does not mean that you speak the same language. Tell me, do you understand everyone in your world … even everyone in your family … or anyone else but you at times?
I see this in many relationships, people who don’t understand that they come from two different worlds, with two different un-communicated expectations, at odds because they can’t understand the other person. Often, when we get to the bottom of the disagreement there was not really a disagreement at all, but rather a miscommunication.
You can know you have a communication problem when the conversations begin to go something like this:
“How many times have I told you …”
“I thought you said …”
“You said, (such and such), … That’s not what I said …”
“That’s not what I meant … Well that’s what it sounds like to me …”
It is often bad enough to be understood, let alone continually misunderstood. Even God wants and has a need to be understood.
Proverbs 4 NKJV
1 ¶ Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding;
2 For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law.
3 When I was my father’s son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother,
4 He also taught me, and said to me: "Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live.
5 Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
6 Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you.
7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
Evidently understanding is something we can get, yet many people just don’t get it.
Tonight I want to give you some practical tools which you can use to sharpen your understanding. Remember – communication is a two way street. In other words, it takes two people to have effective communication – someone who sends a message and another person who receives the message as it was intended by the sender.
Until the message sent is the same message received, communication has not take place – miscommunication perhaps, but not communication.
Our key scripture for tonight will be the foundation upon which these communication tools rest. Remember our key scripture?
James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
1. Seek to understand before you seek to be understood.
* Take time to listen and pay attention
* Don’t interrupt unless absolutely necessary
* Don’t change the subject or make it all about you
* Give others equal time to talk
2. Learn the language of your leaders and your listeners.
* Are they communicating a fact or a feeling?
(Is this a logical or an emotional conversationalist?)
* Do they need from me: counsel or consolation?
* Hear what is meant in the speaker’s language.
3. Don’t assume – clarify.
* Hear their words, not your thoughts
* Have your thoughts confirmed before you believe them
* If you are going to imagine, imagine the best not the worst
4. When someone says, “That’s not what I meant”, believe them.
* Why? Because it’s not what they meant!
* Meanings are not in words but in people
Get wisdom and with all your getting, get understanding!
