Gtcotr/ws091907
I taught Part One of this message on August 1st of this year, a month an a half ago. Since that time we have had several guest speakers including missionaries and guest from
God is pro-family.
In fact when God could have described His relationship with mankind using any paradigm He desired, He chose the paradigm of family.
The Church is the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ and the Family of God in the earth.
We heard God’s hope and plan in our:
Key Scripture: Psalms 68:6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (NKJV)
Synopsis: Tonight we are going to explore some new and challenging thoughts about our relationships with one another in this family of Believers and look at some principles from God’s word in efforts to examine ourselves and our responsibilities to God for these relationships.
Isaiah 62 NKJV
1 For Zion’s sake I will not hold My peace, And for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, Until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, And her salvation as a lamp that burns.
2 The Gentiles shall see your righteousness, And all kings your glory. You shall be called by a new name, Which the mouth of the LORD will name.
3 You shall also be a crown of glory In the hand of the LORD, And a royal diadem In the hand of your God.
4 You shall no longer be termed Forsaken, Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate; But you shall be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; For the LORD delights in you, And your land shall be married.
5 For as a young man marries a virgin, So shall your sons marry you; And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, So shall your God rejoice over you.
The primary relationships God desires to create in His family are not unlike the relationships we have in our own families. These relationships are not necessarily built on convenience or contract but rather on covenant.
Covenant means ‘your good at my expense’ … different than mere contract or relationships of convenience or commerce.
Some of you may have heard the story of Brenda and me getting married at such an early time in our life and the struggles we had during those initial years. (The brief version of the story.)
After surrendering our lives to Jesus we were still faced with having to learn to live together in peace and harmony while building a loving relationship which was pleasing to God and could last a lifetime.
As many people are, I am one of research. I like to know the truth and how things work and why they break and what I can do to avoid trouble or fix it when it occurs. So, as a result of my passion to learn I went on a 20 year research mission, counseling with every person I could find who was going or had gone through marital problems, especially those who had divorced, cataloging the reasons why they thought their relationship was failing or had failed.
Matching my own non scientific research findings up with stories and scriptures in the bible I came to some conclusions and categorized them under one of seven major problems people face in marriage, which if not addressed properly, could lead to disunity and divorce.
Later I put these personal findings into a little Marriage Basics counseling guide for Premarital and Marriage Counseling which today is used by several churches around the nation and even in a few places outside the
I believe that God is pro family, pro marriage and pro relationship. I believe that God expects pretty much the same thing, in varying degrees and forms, from every one involved in covenant relationships, whether they are marriage, siblings, ministry teams or church family members. There is one perfect relationship pattern and God chose family to model that pattern … even calling Jesus our Brother and Believers His children,
We are the sons and daughters of the Most High God. And as such, we are family with one another.
So tonight, I want to briefly share the Seven Basic Principles of Covenant I have in the past referred to as, “The Seven Deadly Sins of Marriage”, which if not attended to, will cause problems in covenant relationships … even in these relationships within the church family.
I want us to look beyond marriage tonight and look also at the other primary relationships God has given us and explore how these truths apply to those relationships as well.
#1. A Personal Commitment to God and His Word as Final Authority
Matthew 24:35 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.
Not only in the marital relationship but also in church family relationships there needs to be a mutual level of personal commitment to God and to His Word as final authority if we are going to remain in unity. There will always be differing opinions when you get more than 2 people together, however, when we all tune to the Word, we are in harmony together … and that’s where the blessings are.
#2. A Personal Commitment to the Covenant of Marriage and the Marriage Roles.
Society today has endeavored to erase role consciousness, conduct and expectation. However, God is a God or order, structure and instruction. There are just some things which God has already decided upon and which are not up to us nor are they all about us.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
A reading of the passages in Ephesians chapters 5 & 6 will show that God has established structure in all relationships.
Roles, rules, rights and responsibilities come with each position God has created within the family and within the Body of Christ.
I often tell couples who want to be married that if they are already set on not driving a car, do not become the operator of a taxi cab. Why, because driving is an integral part of that job. Why frustrate yourself for the rest of your life. Some things are just job requirements and it is the same with covenant relationships. Each one has its demands … even in a church family setting.
1 Corinthians 12:28 And God has appointed these in the church: first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, administrations, varieties of tongues. (NKJV)
#3. Communication
This is a biggie! Many relationships fail for no other reason than inadequate or ineffective communication. Not just marriages but friendships, business partnerships and even church family relationships.
Communication is a must … not just talking or just listening, but communicating.
Communication occurs when the message which is received is the same message that was sent.
Ecclesiastes 7
21 Also do not take to heart everything people say, Lest you hear your servant cursing you.
22 For many times, also, your own heart has known That even you have cursed others.
#4. Unforgiveness and the Past
If you hang around any person long enough they will impress you at least one time and depress you at least one time. It is often in those moments of being depressed by others that we decide to take up offenses and not allow the relationship to move beyond the offense.
We have seen this to be a very destructive tool of the devil which he uses to divide people. It was not until Eve came on the scene in Genesis that Adam actually had productive/reproductive capabilities.
It was also about that time that the devil shows up in attempts to divide Adam and Eve and ultimately divide mankind from God. If it had not have been for the merciful forgiveness of God, mankind would have been forever trapped, held in the chords of their past, their last biggest mistake, their recent failures, their sin, their past problems.
God made a way to put all of that behind Him and allow a new day, a fresh start, and a healthy relationship to grow … He did all of this through the power of forgiveness.
Many marriages fail as do other covenant relationships and all of the God desired potential is lost due to the fact that someone cannot or will not or does not forgive and let the past be the past.
I know there are many individual situations and circumstances that fall into this category which have particular factors that make this hard to broad brush with the simple counsel – Forgive! But ... Forgive anyway!
How many times?
Matthew 18
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Forgiveness may not automatically mean restoration … there is a difference. But forgiveness does mean that we do not wish to be the accuser or punisher of this person any longer.
This is why when we forgive we need to pledge to not bring this situation up every again to:
1. The person
2. God
3. Ourselves
4. Others
Remember, forgiveness is sometimes a process. A work in progress and a battle for control of the mind, will and emotions.
#5. Sex
Yep! I said it … and in church. Sex is the most productive and destructive adventures known to man. We will leave for the moment the marital implications dealing with this powerful covenant tool in its most basic form and rather for the purposes of this teaching focus on the designed results of sex in marriage --- reproductivity! (if you wish to explore more concerning the power sex holds in a marriage, you may order a copy of ‘Marriage Basics’ from our office or online at cotr.com)
Reproductivity!
If a church is not evangelistic it will become cannibalistic.
The very survival of the church is dependent on the body of Christ being productive together. In the scriptures it’s called being fruitful, increasing, multiplying, replenishing and harvesting among other things. It’s God’s will! The very first thing He required in His Original Five Commandments to mankind.
Genesis 1
27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
#6. Money
It’s not how much we make together but how we spend what we make that often divides us.
The priorities and allocations of our resources are important to the collective we call church and to any relationship where pooled resources are expended. We contribute to and for a cause we believe in and we need to hold some assurances that our goals are being addressed and our expectations fulfilled.
There are basically two things that people need or desire in financial accountability:
* A Spending Plan They Agree On
* Follow Through
Most of the arguments and divisions over money just boil down to disagreement. Why? Whether in marriage, business or church …
Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
It’s difficult to stay together when you are not in agreement on the basics.
I have heard it said that people will put up with a lot of things from others up until you touch their money, then they will put you in jail!
#7. Unleft Family and Influential Friends
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31)
When we marry into the Body of Christ it is important that we leave the world behind and not allow our former worldly friends to influence our behavior. We can be in the world without being of the world. The Word tells us that to be friends with the world is to be an enemy of God and all who continue to entangle in the carnal worldly pursuits will not be free to be a soldier of Christ.
Conclusion:
It is imperative that we treat the relationships God has ordered for us in accordance with the structure He provided for those relationships. Covenant requires commitment and just as the Apostle Paul says:
Ephesians 4:16 The Body of Christ is that by which every joint supplies. (Paraphrased)
