Conclusions

Tonight we are going to explore some new and challenging thoughts about our relationships with one another in this family of Believers and look at some principles from God’s word in efforts to examine ourselves and our responsibilities to God for these relationships.

Gtcotr/ss093007

Key Scriptures: Proverbs 18 NKJV

20 ¶ A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth, From the produce of his lips he shall be filled.

21 ¶ Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Approximately 3500 years ago a man named Moses was sent by God to secure the release of Hebrew slaves held captive by the Pharaoh in Egypt. One can read this biblical account in the book of Exodus.

In his attempts to convince Pharaoh to let God’s Children go, Moses angered the Egyptians who in turn made life very difficult for the Israelites. With the extra hardships placed on them, the Jews of Moses’ day were not at all happy with their new fight for freedom.

As time went on the Israelites began to murmur and complain about their added difficulties, wishing that God and his servant Moses had just left things the way they were. However, God had a plan for their future and He was determined to succeed.

Eventually Pharaoh released the Hebrew slaves and they left Egypt headed for their promised land of milk and honey. The journey from Egypt to Canaan led the Children of Israel through a desert wilderness where more hardships were encountered. Each time they faced a difficulty, the people complained and blamed Moses and God for their discomforts.

Both God and Moses were very gracious, merciful and forgiving. For every problem God provided a remedy through Moses and the Children of Israel always ended up getting their way. If they wanted sweet water, more meat, shade in the daytime, warmth for the cool nights, protection from enemies, miracle signs of God’s abiding presence, confirmation of divinely appointed leadership, … whatever they asked for, they received.

Would you go ahead and turn in your bibles to Numbers 14.

According to God’s plan it was time for the Children to Israel to go into the land of Canaan and receive their inheritance as God had promised to their father, Abraham, many years earlier. The Children of Israel however did not feel secure and wanted to send trusted men into the land first to see what kinds of people and obstacles they would be facing.

So, in Numbers 12, God tells Moses to choose one from each tribe and send them to spy out the land. Moses did so and when the spies returned they brought back a glowing report of a wonderful land with bountiful fruits filled with fortified cities and strong people. Ten of the spies concluded that the job God wanted done just could not be accomplished by the Children of Israel. Two spies concluded that the Children of Israel were well able to meet these challenges and with God would easily take the land and possess their inheritance.

Unfortunately for everyone, the majority ruled and the loudest voices with the most depressing news were believed and supported. The Children of Israel agreed that once again God and Moses had led them out into this wilderness only to let them be killed by their enemies and have their bones bleached by the desert sun while the birds picked their flesh for food. Needless to say, it was one big complain fest … so much so that the children of Israel began to make plans to choose new leadership and make their way back to Egypt and to the slavery of their former lives.

Apparently, it was about this time that God had had enough.

Numbers 14 NLT

27 "How long will this wicked nation complain about me? I have heard everything the Israelites have been saying.

28 Now tell them this: ‘As surely as I live, I will do to you the very things I heard you say. I, the LORD, have spoken!

29 You will all die here in this wilderness! Because you complained against me, none of you who are twenty years old or older and were counted in the census

30 will enter the land I swore to give you. The only exceptions will be Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun.

31 "‘You said your children would be taken captive. Well, I will bring them safely into the land, and they will enjoy what you have despised.

32 But as for you, your dead bodies will fall in this wilderness.

33 And your children will be like shepherds, wandering in the wilderness forty years. In this way, they will pay for your faithlessness, until the last of you lies dead in the wilderness.

34 "‘Because the men who explored the land were there for forty days, you must wander in the wilderness for forty years—a year for each day, suffering the consequences of your sins. You will discover what it is like to have me for an enemy.’

35 I, the LORD, have spoken! I will do these things to every member of the community who has conspired against me. They will all die here in this wilderness!"

36 ¶ Then the ten scouts who had incited the rebellion against the LORD by spreading discouraging reports about the land

37 were struck dead with a plague before the LORD.

All of this because of what was said …

Evidently, death and life are in the power of the tongue!

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45

“We believe therefore we speak.” 2 Corinthians 4:13

God counted it a conspiracy when His Children got together and complained about His plan for their life and future. He grew tired of their continual disagreement with His Word, His Will and His Way.

This same idea is carried throughout the whole bible. God listens to and grants our prayers. What we continually say has power and may just come to pass one day.

You see, it is by our words that we will be justified and by our words that we will be condemned. Matthew 12:37

The Gospel of Mark puts it concisely in New Testament terms when it says:

Mark 11 NKJV

22 So Jesus answered and said to them, "Have faith in God.

23 "For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.

24 "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

So, this morning allow me to make three conclusions:

1. What we say makes a difference in our lives.

2. We cannot control others by our words but we can affect them.

3. Truth is not determined by a show of hands.

Watch what you say, you may just become right!

Family Ties - Part Three

Tonight we are going to explore some new and challenging thoughts about our relationships with one another in this family of Believers and look at some principles from God’s word in efforts to examine ourselves and our responsibilities to God for these relationships.

Gtcotr/ws092607

God is pro-family.

The Church is the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ and the Family of God in the earth.

Key Scripture: Psalms 68:6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (NKJV)

The primary relationships God desires to create in His family are not unlike the relationships we have in our own families. These relationships are not necessarily built on convenience or contract but rather on covenant.

Covenant means ‘your good at my expense’ … different than mere contract or relationships of convenience or commerce.

Tonight, in part three of this message, I want to briefly share from the Seven Basic Principles of Covenant.

Again we will look beyond marriage tonight at other primary relationships God has given us and explore how these truths apply to those relationships as well.

We have already covered number one and number two, twice in fact. They are:

#1. A Personal Commitment to God and His Word as Final Authority

#2. A Personal Commitment to Covenant It’s Roles, Rules, Rights and Responsibilities.

Now for number three:

#3. Communication

Communication Is At The Top Of The List For Relationship

I have often said that meanings are not in words meanings are in people.

Recently I came across a research report on the internet. It said:

• Only 7% of meaning is in the words which are spoken.
• 38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the way the words are said).
• 55% of meaning is in facial expression.

How we communicate is more important than what we say. Many relationships fail for no other reason than inadequate or ineffective communication. Not just marriages but friendships, business partnerships, international politics and even church family relationships depend on effective communication.

Communication is a must … not just talking or just listening, but communicating.

Communication occurs when the message which is received is the same message that was sent. Intended or not.

Ecclesiastes 7

21 Also do not take to heart everything people say, Lest you hear your servant cursing you.

22 For many times, also, your own heart has known That even you have cursed others.

Let me say a word here about communicating and agreeing or communicating and disagreeing.

Communication may be taking place in a relationship without affording those communicating the satisfaction of feeling heard or appreciated or believed. Sometimes in primary relationships it is difficult to feel appreciated or listened to unless we feel that others actually end up agreeing with us.

Even though the word communication has the goal of bringing people into a common understanding it does not always achieve those desired results.

Just because two people are communicating does not mean that everything will be alright.

Not only is the message which is sent sometimes not the message which is received but sometimes it is received and just not believed.

Yet the scripture says that two cannot walk together without being in agreement. Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?

Also the Apostle Paul chided the church in Corinth for not being in unity, of one mind and one speech, all believing and saying the same thing. He remarked about the division among the believers in that body as being a sign of carnality. 1 Corinthians 1:10; 3:3.

God’s model for relationship is family. Just as in a family, other structured relationships also have order as well.

It is vitally important to the strength of the covenant that we all tune to one God has given to lead the relationship. 1 Corinthians 11:3; 12:28.

#4. Unforgiveness and the Past

If you hang around any person long enough they will impress you at least one time and depress you at least one time. It is often in those moments of being depressed by others that we decide to take up offenses and not allow the relationship to move beyond the offense.

We have seen this to be a very destructive tool of the devil which he uses to divide people. It was not until Eve came on the scene in Genesis that Adam actually had productive/reproductive capabilities.

It was also about that time that the devil shows up in attempts to divide Adam and Eve and ultimately divide mankind from God. If it had not have been for the merciful forgiveness of God, mankind would have been forever trapped, held in the chords of their past, their last biggest mistake, their recent failures, their sin, their past problems.

God made a way to put all of that behind Him and allow a new day, a fresh start, and a healthy relationship to grow … He did all of this through the power of forgiveness.

Many marriages fail as do other covenant relationships and all of the God desired potential is lost due to the fact that someone cannot or will not or does not forgive and let the past be the past.

I know there are many individual situations and circumstances that fall into this category which have particular factors that make this hard to broad brush with the simple counsel – Forgive! But ... Forgive anyway!

How many times?

Matthew 18

21 ¶ Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Forgiveness may not automatically mean restoration … there is a difference. But forgiveness does mean that we do not wish to be the accuser or punisher of this person any longer.

This is why when we forgive we need to pledge to not bring this situation up every again to:

1. The person

2. God

3. Ourselves

4. Others

Remember, forgiveness is sometimes a process. A work in progress and a battle for control of the mind, will and emotions.

#5. Sex

Yep! I said it … and in church. Sex is the most productive and destructive adventures known to man. We will leave for the moment the marital implications dealing with this powerful covenant tool in it’s most basic form and rather for the purposes of this teaching focus on the designed results of sex in marriage --- reproductivity! (if you wish to explore more concerning the power sex holds in a marriage, you may order a copy of ‘Marriage Basics’ from our office or online at cotr.com)

Reproductivity!

If a church is not evangelistic it will become cannibalistic.

The very survival of the church is dependent on the body of Christ being productive together. In the scriptures it’s called being fruitful, increasing, multiplying, replenishing and harvesting among other things. It’s God’s will! The very first thing He required in His Original Five Commandments to mankind.

Genesis 1

27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

#6. Money

It’s not how much we make together but how we spend what we make that often divides us.

The priorities and allocations of our resources are important to the collective we call church and to any relationship where pooled resources are expended. We contribute to and for a cause we believe in and we need to hold some assurances that our goals are being addressed and our expectations fulfilled.

There are basically two things that people need or desire in financial accountability:

* A Spending Plan They Agree On

* Follow Through

Most of the arguments and divisions over money just boil down to disagreement. Why? Whether in marriage, business or church …

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?

It’s difficult to stay together when you are not in agreement on the basics.

I have heard it said that people will put up with a lot of things from others up until you touch their money, then they will put you in jail!

#7. Unleft Family and Influential Friends

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31)

When we marry into the Body of Christ it is important that we leave the world behind and not allow our former worldly friends to influence our behavior. We can be in the world without being of the world. The Word tells us that to be friends with the world is to be an enemy of God and all who continue to entangle in the carnal worldly pursuits will not be free to be a soldier of Christ.

Conclusion:

It is imperative that we treat the relationships God has ordered for us in accordance with the structure He provided for those relationships. Covenant requires commitment and just as the Apostle Paul says:

Ephesians 4:16 The Body of Christ is that by which every joint supplies. (Paraphrased)

A Place To Start

Synopsis: One person's parting words are another person's starting words. The sermon 'A Place To Start' takes a brief look at the parting words of Jesus to His disciples to establish the reality that parting words are powerful, precious and meant to impact generations to come. With that principle in mind this message goes on to look at Seven Spiritual Goals left us as parting instructions from the Apostle Paul. Every believer will be challenged through this study to remember and employ these goals as a place to start.
Gtcotr/ss092307

The Bible specifically states that God chose the Apostle Paul to be His voice to the Gentiles concerning salvation and Kingdom living. Many people believe that the words written by him are therefore more directed to Gentile Believers than perhaps the letters by other writers in the Bible. This thought has some merit.

Although no word of God is void of power and not one of the least of God’s words will go unfulfilled, nonetheless there are specific words which have special meaning for an individual or group at any given time. We call these special words, those which are highlighted by God’s Holy Spirit in our souls if you will, Rhema Words.

It could be that some books of the Bible contain a greater number of Rhema Words for one group of people than another. For example, the books of the bible which deal with the Mosaic Law and sacrifice or the feasts in light of this Messianic Age might better fit the understanding and answer the questions of Jews more than Gentiles.

This by no means excuses any group from studying the whole counsel of God’s Word and making personal application as God leads. However, it may give us some understanding as to why some seem to identify more with one writer’s perspective than another’s.

With this in mind lets turn to a very important book in the New Testament written by the Apostle Paul late in his life to his dear son in the faith, Timothy. Lets begin this morning with:

2 Timothy 4

I believe this letter to Timothy was most likely written during Paul’s second imprisonment in Rome near AD 65. Timothy, Paul’s son in the faith, was in Ephesus at this time leading the church there. Paul, knowing he is soon to depart this world, wants to leave Timothy with words of encouragement and instructions to carry on in the faith. These are Paul’s parting words but Timothy’s starting words.

In the spring of 1987 I was pastoring a church in Ruston, Louisiana. One morning I awoke with a strong desire to go and visit my parents who lived about 150 miles away. I told Brenda, packed a bag and without calling ahead I got in my plane and took off for Texas.

When I was about 10 miles from my parents’ house in the rural community of Simms, Texas, I began my descent to about 500 feet and slowed my plane to about 70 knots. Soon I saw my dad out on his 3 acres, riding a lawnmower, cutting his grass. I set myself up and swooped down on him, buzzing his lawn mowing to get his attention. I don’t recommend anyone try this, it is not always a safe practice with highline wires and trees and towers and such … but I did. After about three close encounters with his lawnmower, he realized it must be me. When I saw him stop and get off I waved my wings and he headed for his pickup truck as I turned North to land in a field about 6 miles from his house.

I touched down and taxied to a clear spot where I could leave my plane out of the way just about the time he drove up, bouncing in that old Chevy truck. He met me before I could get out of the plane and asked what I was doing in Simms. I told him I had just come for a visit and grabbed my bag and we drove back to his house where lunch was just a few minutes from being ready. Mom always had food for a few unexpected guests at meal time.

For the next five days and nights I sat and talked with my mom and dad, just taking the ease of life and enjoying the company. Dad kept asking if I wanted to use the car or truck to go and visit friends or see local pastors but I told him no, I had just come to visit them and had no other agenda, I just went where he went and helped him do whatever he needed done.

After supper the last night before I left, dad and I sat on the front porch in the rocking chairs until bedtime watching the cars go by as we talked. I am the youngest of 4 children; I have 2 sisters and a brother. My brother is seven years older than me and was called to the ministry at 15 years old. He has never looked back since then, finishing his degree at East Texas Baptist University in Marshall, Texas and then on to Southwestern Seminary in Fort Worth. He always was a model believer, the good son and perfect older brother. He continues to be an example to me today both in my personal life and in the ministry, as are my two older sisters. I however was the rambunctious one of the family, a bit unpredictable and always full of a little too much energy.

Early in my adolescence my dad told me that he had raised one good son, referring to my brother, but that he was going to make me like him. I guess this was the philosophy he employed when he chose not to give me too many restrictions. He seemed to allow me to do things my own way, correct my own mistakes and only a few times did he ever just tell me what to do. I worked where he worked and did what he did. Now, all these years later, I only hope I can become half the man my dad was.

At any rate, that night on the porch something strange happened. Before we said good night my dad paused as though deeply considering what he was going to say then he looked at me and said in no uncertain terms: Son, you are called to be a preacher of God’s Word. There are allot of preachers out here but you have something special, a special way of teaching people the Word of God so that they can understand it and put it into practice in their lives. It makes sense when you say it.

Then he pointed his finger at me and commanded me: Don’t you ever stop preaching the Word of God. Don’t you ever quit … Allot depends on you … things you can’t even imagine.

With that he said good night and got up and went to bed. The next morning after an early breakfast he took me back to my plane and I flew back home. Three days later, my daddy died. A heart attack in the middle of the night took him home to be with the Lord. I got the call and jumped in my airplane but did not make it in time. It was ok in part because we had left nothing unsaid. I had received the parting words of my father and his blessing on my ministry.

Historically, parting words are precious words. Whether from my father or from Jesus to His disciples with The Great Commission, Jacob’s parting words to his 12 sons in Genesis 49, or the words we are about to read from the Apostle Paul to his son Timothy. Parting words are powerful words!

One person’s parting words are another person’s starting words.

So without any further comment, lets read from:

2 Timothy 4

1 ¶ And so I solemnly urge you before God and before Christ Jesus—who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom:

2 Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.

3 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to right teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever they want to hear.

4 They will reject the truth and follow strange myths.

5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at bringing others to Christ. Complete the ministry God has given you.

When Jesus spoke to His disciples at the end of Matthew 28, …

Key Scripture:

Matthew 28 NKJV

18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.

19 "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

20 "teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen.

… He was speaking His parting instructions for each individual and every generation which would follow.

We, the Believers of today, begin our Christian walk with those clear instructions resounding in our spirits. These words are our words straight from the Messiah Himself.

His parting words – Our starting words.

It is the same with Paul’s inspired words to his son Timothy and to each Timothy in every generation to come, even until the end of this age.

Through Paul God instructed Timothy and along with him, every believer to start with seven simple goals in mind. Lets look at these:

Seven Spiritual Goals

1. Proclaim the Word of God

2. Be Persistent – Whether it is a favorable time or not.

3. Patiently Correct, Rebuke and Encourage People With Good Teaching

4. Keep A Clear Mind

5. Don’t Be Afraid of Suffering (Endure the costs)

6. Work At Bringing Others To Christ (Be Evangelistic)

7. Complete The Ministry (Mission) God Has Given You

I have heard it said that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. I like that. It tells us to make sure we are paying attention to the things that pay off.

If we will just begin where we are and remember to speak the word of God, be persistent in our faith, be patient and help others along with good teaching and not criticism, condemnation or rejection, to keep a clear mind, endure hardships without quitting, be evangelistic and fulfill the mission God has designed us for … we will grow and become successful gaining favor with both God and man.

Family Ties - Part Two

This message is designed to inform and encourage the believer as to some of the major tenants of the doctrine of the Gospel of Christ. Seeing that we must know what we believe to be true and believe what we know to be true about God’s will for us, it is therefore important that we know the truth.

Gtcotr/ws091907

I taught Part One of this message on August 1^st of this year, a month an a half ago. Since that time we have had several guest speakers including missionaries and guest from Thailand and Vietnam. Also in the time between August 1^st and tonight, I have traveled to and through Europe, Kenya, Tanzania, Dubai, Bahrain, Nepal, China and across all across the United States teaching in pastor’s conferences, visiting churches, orphanages and bible schools and even went on an African safari. Our church enjoyed a taste of the nations dinner, sent missions teams to Greenland and Mexico where we repaired 22 water wells and we have gone through a direct hit by a category 1 hurricane. School has started and our church hosted a fall family conference and last week sent and set in a family from our church to become Senior Pastors for COTR Jasper, Texas. I say that this has been a reasonably busy yet very productive 45 days or so … not counting that tomorrow another missionary from our church sets out to reach an additional 7 or 8 countries with the Gospel of Jesus Christ for our Project 237 mission’s commitment. You know, life is good: during this same time Brenda and some of our family got to squeeze in a Labor Day outing at the lake on our boat and also found out that we are going to be getting a new grandchild, our 7^th, early next year. Who could ask for anything more? Life is moving along fast. Some people and churches don’t experience this much life in their whole lifetime. God has been mighty good to us. He loves our church family.

God is pro-family.

In fact when God could have described His relationship with mankind using any paradigm He desired, He chose the paradigm of family.

The Church is the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ and the Family of God in the earth.

We heard God’s hope and plan in our:

Key Scripture: Psalms 68:6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (NKJV)

Synopsis: Tonight we are going to explore some new and challenging thoughts about our relationships with one another in this family of Believers and look at some principles from God’s word in efforts to examine ourselves and our responsibilities to God for these relationships.

Isaiah 62 NKJV

1 For Zion’s sake I will not hold My peace, And for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, Until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, And her salvation as a lamp that burns.

2 The Gentiles shall see your righteousness, And all kings your glory. You shall be called by a new name, Which the mouth of the LORD will name.

3 You shall also be a crown of glory In the hand of the LORD, And a royal diadem In the hand of your God.

4 You shall no longer be termed Forsaken, Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate; But you shall be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; For the LORD delights in you, And your land shall be married.

5 For as a young man marries a virgin, So shall your sons marry you; And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, So shall your God rejoice over you.

The primary relationships God desires to create in His family are not unlike the relationships we have in our own families. These relationships are not necessarily built on convenience or contract but rather on covenant.

Covenant means ‘your good at my expense’ … different than mere contract or relationships of convenience or commerce.

Some of you may have heard the story of Brenda and me getting married at such an early time in our life and the struggles we had during those initial years. (The brief version of the story.)

After surrendering our lives to Jesus we were still faced with having to learn to live together in peace and harmony while building a loving relationship which was pleasing to God and could last a lifetime.

As many people are, I am one of research. I like to know the truth and how things work and why they break and what I can do to avoid trouble or fix it when it occurs. So, as a result of my passion to learn I went on a 20 year research mission, counseling with every person I could find who was going or had gone through marital problems, especially those who had divorced, cataloging the reasons why they thought their relationship was failing or had failed.

Matching my own non scientific research findings up with stories and scriptures in the bible I came to some conclusions and categorized them under one of seven major problems people face in marriage, which if not addressed properly, could lead to disunity and divorce.

Later I put these personal findings into a little Marriage Basics counseling guide for Premarital and Marriage Counseling which today is used by several churches around the nation and even in a few places outside the United States to assist Pastors and lay workers in counseling others.

I believe that God is pro family, pro marriage and pro relationship. I believe that God expects pretty much the same thing, in varying degrees and forms, from every one involved in covenant relationships, whether they are marriage, siblings, ministry teams or church family members. There is one perfect relationship pattern and God chose family to model that pattern … even calling Jesus our Brother and Believers His children, Israel His wife and the Church His daughter-in-law.

We are the sons and daughters of the Most High God. And as such, we are family with one another.

So tonight, I want to briefly share the Seven Basic Principles of Covenant I have in the past referred to as, “The Seven Deadly Sins of Marriage”, which if not attended to, will cause problems in covenant relationships … even in these relationships within the church family.

I want us to look beyond marriage tonight and look also at the other primary relationships God has given us and explore how these truths apply to those relationships as well.

#1. A Personal Commitment to God and His Word as Final Authority

Matthew 24:35 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.

Not only in the marital relationship but also in church family relationships there needs to be a mutual level of personal commitment to God and to His Word as final authority if we are going to remain in unity. There will always be differing opinions when you get more than 2 people together, however, when we all tune to the Word, we are in harmony together … and that’s where the blessings are.

#2. A Personal Commitment to the Covenant of Marriage and the Marriage Roles.

Society today has endeavored to erase role consciousness, conduct and expectation. However, God is a God or order, structure and instruction. There are just some things which God has already decided upon and which are not up to us nor are they all about us.

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

A reading of the passages in Ephesians chapters 5 & 6 will show that God has established structure in all relationships.

Roles, rules, rights and responsibilities come with each position God has created within the family and within the Body of Christ.

I often tell couples who want to be married that if they are already set on not driving a car, do not become the operator of a taxi cab. Why, because driving is an integral part of that job. Why frustrate yourself for the rest of your life. Some things are just job requirements and it is the same with covenant relationships. Each one has its demands … even in a church family setting.

1 Corinthians 12:28 And God has appointed these in the church: first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, administrations, varieties of tongues. (NKJV)

#3. Communication

This is a biggie! Many relationships fail for no other reason than inadequate or ineffective communication. Not just marriages but friendships, business partnerships and even church family relationships.

Communication is a must … not just talking or just listening, but communicating.

Communication occurs when the message which is received is the same message that was sent.

Ecclesiastes 7

21 Also do not take to heart everything people say, Lest you hear your servant cursing you.

22 For many times, also, your own heart has known That even you have cursed others.

#4. Unforgiveness and the Past

If you hang around any person long enough they will impress you at least one time and depress you at least one time. It is often in those moments of being depressed by others that we decide to take up offenses and not allow the relationship to move beyond the offense.

We have seen this to be a very destructive tool of the devil which he uses to divide people. It was not until Eve came on the scene in Genesis that Adam actually had productive/reproductive capabilities.

It was also about that time that the devil shows up in attempts to divide Adam and Eve and ultimately divide mankind from God. If it had not have been for the merciful forgiveness of God, mankind would have been forever trapped, held in the chords of their past, their last biggest mistake, their recent failures, their sin, their past problems.

God made a way to put all of that behind Him and allow a new day, a fresh start, and a healthy relationship to grow … He did all of this through the power of forgiveness.

Many marriages fail as do other covenant relationships and all of the God desired potential is lost due to the fact that someone cannot or will not or does not forgive and let the past be the past.

I know there are many individual situations and circumstances that fall into this category which have particular factors that make this hard to broad brush with the simple counsel – Forgive! But ... Forgive anyway!

How many times?

Matthew 18

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Forgiveness may not automatically mean restoration … there is a difference. But forgiveness does mean that we do not wish to be the accuser or punisher of this person any longer.

This is why when we forgive we need to pledge to not bring this situation up every again to:

1. The person

2. God

3. Ourselves

4. Others

Remember, forgiveness is sometimes a process. A work in progress and a battle for control of the mind, will and emotions.

#5. Sex

Yep! I said it … and in church. Sex is the most productive and destructive adventures known to man. We will leave for the moment the marital implications dealing with this powerful covenant tool in its most basic form and rather for the purposes of this teaching focus on the designed results of sex in marriage --- reproductivity! (if you wish to explore more concerning the power sex holds in a marriage, you may order a copy of ‘Marriage Basics’ from our office or online at cotr.com)

Reproductivity!

If a church is not evangelistic it will become cannibalistic.

The very survival of the church is dependent on the body of Christ being productive together. In the scriptures it’s called being fruitful, increasing, multiplying, replenishing and harvesting among other things. It’s God’s will! The very first thing He required in His Original Five Commandments to mankind.

Genesis 1

27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

#6. Money

It’s not how much we make together but how we spend what we make that often divides us.

The priorities and allocations of our resources are important to the collective we call church and to any relationship where pooled resources are expended. We contribute to and for a cause we believe in and we need to hold some assurances that our goals are being addressed and our expectations fulfilled.

There are basically two things that people need or desire in financial accountability:

* A Spending Plan They Agree On

* Follow Through

Most of the arguments and divisions over money just boil down to disagreement. Why? Whether in marriage, business or church …

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?

It’s difficult to stay together when you are not in agreement on the basics.

I have heard it said that people will put up with a lot of things from others up until you touch their money, then they will put you in jail!

#7. Unleft Family and Influential Friends

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31)

When we marry into the Body of Christ it is important that we leave the world behind and not allow our former worldly friends to influence our behavior. We can be in the world without being of the world. The Word tells us that to be friends with the world is to be an enemy of God and all who continue to entangle in the carnal worldly pursuits will not be free to be a soldier of Christ.

Conclusion:

It is imperative that we treat the relationships God has ordered for us in accordance with the structure He provided for those relationships. Covenant requires commitment and just as the Apostle Paul says:

Ephesians 4:16 The Body of Christ is that by which every joint supplies. (Paraphrased)